So it's Christmas...........

It's christmas evening. I cooked dinner, ate a little bit but it just didnt seem the same. Granny wasn't hear to share it with us. I really didnt' expect many gifts either, but i did get some things that i really liked it was pretty cool. I spoke with adrian again today. just to wish him a merry christmas. It just doesnt seem possible that i can like someone the way i like him. i want to take it slow, yet a part of me wants to push him far far away. and i feel that same thing coming from him like the pushing part. he bit my head off yesterday when i called and he said i dont want to talk to ANYONE and we hung up. i felt like saying sorry i bothered you. but i just said i'd talk to you later and let it go. part of me really wants to get to know him even better but yet part of me wants to push him so far away that he will either hate me or never want to speak with me again. i know thats sick... and i told him today that i just want someone who is going to like me for me and eventually love me and fall in love with me for the person that i am. Is that wrong? i've never really had a good relationship with men in my entire life. it started when i was litttle and ended when i got rid of Greg. i really dont have much more to write at the moment but i will be back to finish this.............. next time...........